Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
