Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
