You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
