In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
