Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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