Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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