I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
