So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
