He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
