I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
