is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
