I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
