Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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