apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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