I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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