I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
