So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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