im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
