I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Randomize
