I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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