A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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