What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
