a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
