i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
