Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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