Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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