woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
