I think I died a long time ago.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
