Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
