So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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