Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
