Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
