and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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