Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
