two words...techno handjob
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
