I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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