If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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