I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
