If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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