Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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