if i can run in heels then i can drive
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
