I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize