I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
