Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
