on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
