I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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