I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
