my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
