so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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