I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Edward fifth and chaser hands
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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