quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
