I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
