I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
