I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize