found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
