Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize