I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
