I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
