Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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