You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
be right there i have to get my cape
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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