Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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