fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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