wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize