i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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