thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
