How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
