He is such a slut. More and more my type.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
