I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize