I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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